As a disclaimer, I myself am a North Campus major and this article was written purely as a comedic piece. No points that I bring up here should be taken seriously. Nothing on this BLOG should be taken seriously. All of this was inspired by my south campus friends poking fun at me. If you get offended, please don’t because it’s all in good spirit. With that being said, enjoy.
Tired of taking CS and LS in MS? Sick of competing against type-A pre-med students hell bent on making it to med-school?If you are, consider taking a quarter off to study a broad(e). Here at North Campus, you’ll find everything to your heart’s delight. From 3 hour class days to 4 day weekends, you’ll have so much spare time you won’t know what to do with it. Perhaps you’ll finally go on a date. Our fellow northies are more than willing to take a spontaneous trip to Santa Monica. Worried about what your parents and condescending classmates will think of you?Tell them you’re sampling a few classes in the humanities because you’re considering law school. Nothing screams prestige like an open minded learner considering corporate law. For those of you uncomfortable with straying too far from your roots, we offer Econ and Management classes to keep your empirical noggin at work. Sure most of our classes are abstract and impractical, but you’ll be up-to-date for your ball-room socials with knowledge of Rousseau, Montesquieu, and Hume. Ever felt limited in conversations? With the amounts of reading you do, you’ll acquire a hefty stockpile of pretentious material to draw from. If you’re still skeptical, why not pick up a foreign language? Surely learning a second tongue can be practical for any career. Spanish and Mandarin are becoming increasingly useful you know.
Welcome to the land where there are no definitively right or wrong answers, failing grades, or wounded egos. Teachers acknowledge that we all come from different backgrounds with varying abilities. Not everything is as cuthroat as the classes you’re accustomed to. Neuroscience? Pshsh why not Philosophy of the Mind? Life Science? Pshsh why not Political Science. They both have science in their titles so they’re equally legit…….right? For all practical sakes, us Northies need Southies like you to take over our vacated classrooms when we travel to other countries. While we go abroad, you guys and gals can travel a broad(e). Here are reviews of southerners who have traveled up north.
“For the past 2 years I’ve been held prisoner to the labyrinth of Boelter and MS. Studying in North Campus has been a life changing experienced.”
-James R, 3rd Year Comp-Sci Engineering
“Before studying abroad(e) I had never seen a naked girl. After studying abroad(e) I still haven’t seen a naked girl. Does sculpture garden count? If so, yes I have seen a naked girl.”
-Randy J, 4th year Electrical Engineering
-Random Foreign Student, 3rd Year Physics Major
You’re accustomed to taking hardcore Physics and Chemistry classes. At North Campus you’ll be able to whisp on by enrolling in Art History, Classics, and Ethnic Studies. In discussion, the key to a good grade is to raise your hand and spew out something coherent. Remember, there are no “right” or “wrong” answers. Furthermore the concept of a “curve” is nonexistent here…except for the curves and our girls……..*ba dum tss*..um…sorry about that…moving along. Your shiny A ultimately breaks down to one or two term papers, a test consisting of a few IDs/short answers, and miscellaneous participation. Remember that you’ll have plenty of money later to buy that Rolls Royce. For now, just roll on by Royce for a class or two.
I know Broad Hall is spelled without an E……….D-Bag.
Thank you kind madam/sir for taking the time to read this post. If you enjoyed this bit please follow/like/or share. If you’re feeling bold (hehehe get it? ) go ahead and leave me a comment . Last but not least if you didn’t enjoy the post please refer back to my about section to learn how things operate around here….Prick.